Friday, May 14, 2004
I LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL BOMBERS!!!!
sharn contributed at 23:31 | |
Sunday, May 09, 2004
I think I might be Possessed
I did it!! I finally got fed up with all waiting and hoping and wondering and doubting... I asked the Videologist out. It took over 3 decades for me to come to terms with the concept of the woman making the first move, but I finally did it. Oh and he accepted. (Just in case you were wondering... And if you were, well that isn't very nice of you.)
He's waiting on the arrival of a certain "gift" he's organised for me and will be calling sometime during the week to find a night we're both free (which will be a mammoth task in itself). Then he's coming over to help me hook up the speakers on my home theatre bizzo and watch said "gift".
Faaaark, I'm too old for this dating scene shit. The questions and anxieties are already creeping in - What am I supposed to wear? I can't go normal at-home daggy (that's just too scary) but I can't overdress because I'm at home! - How do you smoothly handle the goodbyes on the first evening? I don't want any of that awkward leaning in/not leaning in shit. - How many days after the event do you follow up with a call? Should I do it or let him? If he calls me the next day I'm going to think he's obsessive, but if I don't hear from him within 24 hours I'm going to be convinced he hates me!
Oh My God, I had no idea I was this neurotic! I think I might have a couple of stiff drinks before he arrives.
You know, I've just realised why I'm being such a wanker. I've never "dated" before. This is all new territory for me - very weird. All my previous relationships were with people I'd already established a friendship with in either a work or social activity environment. We did all the getting to know each other stuff without any of the "dating" pressure, so by the time something developed, solid friendships had already been formed. Is it that strange that I've reached my 30's and have never been "out on a date"?
I guess, the way I've done it takes all the romance and courting out of the equation. Perhaps I'll be woo-ed. I quite like the idea of woo-ing. I think I just like saying woo. This Bastard better buy me flowers at some stage. That's an essential courting tactic, isn't it? I ain't puttin' out if I don't get some damn fine flowers!
What am I saying?!??! I am suffering acute sleep deprivation. I just read through what I've typed and you can actually tell I'm involuntarily rambling.
Dida, I think we need something really tacky, like "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" style get togethers to counsel me through this! A girls night in at my place. Home-made Marguerittas, Jules' Nachos, some good jazz in the background. What'ya reckon? Miss Catliciousness must also attend so that we can finally meet.
I'll leave the idea out there in the ether to evolve and refine. Any suggestions are welcome and encouraged. But we must not dilly-dally. I am in desperate need of help!
~kisses to you all~
sharn contributed at 22:19 | |
Saturday, May 08, 2004
If you only read one questionaire this year... don't make it this one!
Here's the scene: Not quite 7pm on a Saturday evening. Large glass of bourbon and coke (with a straw - don't ask) and a bag of chewy caramels on the desk. Relaxed, but not tired. Horny as all hell and also antsy to boot. Yes, they are similar, but mildly and oh so importantly different.
Nothing to say, but an overwhelming urge to confabulate. So under these circumstances, what does a girl do? Well, ANOTHER LONG POINTLESS QUESTIONAIRE, of course!
Thank you Miss Catliciousness via MiFFi, once again for inspiring me to fill up a bit more of the vast information superhighway void with yet more crappidoodles!
If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be?
Local option: Perhaps one of those merging in with the environment jobbies on a large block of land around Stirling area or a mega modern glass and gadgets thing right on the beach. Don't even care which beach really as long as it's metro.
What is your favourite article of clothing?
A t-shirt of *JD*'s he left behind. After 16 years "his smell" has gone but I can still see him wearing it.
Favourite physical features?
My eyes and skin and maybe also my cleavage
What's the last CD you bought?
Air - Moon Safari
Where are your favourite places to be?
In my bed surrounded by pillows, the beach at night and in winter, anywhere that has lots of animals
Where's your least favourite place to be?
My childhood, oh and the dentist waiting room (that smell!)
What's your favourite place to be massaged?
Fave would have to be shoulders, neck and scalp - but damn, I'll take it anywhere!!!
What time do you wake up in the morning?
Varies - but usually around 7:30am
What's your favourite kitchen appliance?
Appliance? Hmmm, I guess the kettle. But I'm more hands on. The best things in my kitchen are my Wustof Trident Knife (nothing beats a classic 8 inches), my mortar and pestle and my veggie peeler. (Serious! Do have any idea how hard it is to find the ultimate veggie peeler?)
What makes you really angry?
Blaming the indefensible, Child predators, Stupidity, making accusations falsely or without all the facts, Eddie McGuire, animal cruelty....I could go on.
If you could play any instrument, what would it be?
Tenor Sax
What do you think of Daniel Cox?
Which one?
Do you believe in an afterlife?
Depends what you mean by an afterlife, I mean, John Edwards is the "Biggest Douchebag in the Universe", but I think there's more than just this here and now stuff, sure.
What's your favourite childrens' book?
Oooh, that's a toughie. First thing that comes to mind is Dr Seuss' "I had trouble getting to Solla Sollew"
What's your least-favourite chore?
Finding new places for the body parts
No, really, what do you think of Daniel Cox?
No, really, which one?
If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
The ability to create life... Oh hang on, I can do that! hehe. No seriously, to be able to make time stand still.
Do you have a tattoo?
Yep
Can you juggle?
Yep
The one person from your past who you would go back and talk to?
*JD* and me (around age 8/9)
What's in your car boot right now?
Well, like Danny I have a hatchback, so no boot to speak of. But that's full of shit. Shoes, recycling bins, digital cable, tools, oil, dog toys, tennis racquets, poop bags (empty!), tow cable, chamois, books, chewed on water bottles, a hub cap, stuff I've probably been looking for for months and rotting fruit, by the recent smell.
Which do you prefer, sushi or hamburger?
Sushi! Don't eat what I can't identify or red meat.
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
When she was a teenager, she turned to the Existentialists
- "Cave in the Snow" by Vicki MacKenzie
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
Ow...wall
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Bring it on - DVD
"I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot"
Without looking, guess what the time is:
7:45pm
Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
7:49pm - not bad
When did you last step outside? what were you doing?
2 and a half hours ago. Came home from shopping.
Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
This
What did you dream last night?
Meeting Jet Li at a Buddhist ordination
When did you last laugh?
Just then, realising how dopey that last answer sounds
What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Well, my knuckle imprint now!
What's the weirdest thing you've seen recently?
The mullet on the women working at the Edwardstown Angus & Robertson Thursday night. WHY???
What is the last movie you saw (cinema/DVD/tv)?
See nine questions up
If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A pressy for my mum. It's Mothers Day tomorrow!
Tell us something about you that we don't know:
I used to breed Cichlids
If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you change?
The inequity of power, justice and resources
Do you like to dance?
Ooh yeah
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Scout
Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Not sure, probably something Old Testament - Isaac, Jacob, Zac, Nebuchadnezzar?
How do you think our product could be improved to better address our customers' needs?
More plain English, less aniseed and marzipan, recyclable packaging, government subsidation, a stainless steel version, no membership fees.
Can I go now?
sharn contributed at 18:55 | |
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
When is a Blog not a Blog?
I am going to have my little say.... Nothing over the top.... No maliciousness or lingering hate mixed in.... Just putting my gripe out there for all to know.
What is the purpose of a Blog?
I guess there are as many answers to that as there is Blogs in the world. But if we take an honest look at the ones we all regularly visit and feel we know with some sort of intimacy, the main response would have to be something resembling.... A safe place to air one's views, off-load one's burdens and express one's inner feelings, fears, frustrations and hopes. (I know, I wrecked a lovely alliteration at the end there!)
Maybe my view is entirely wrong. But fundamentally due to the nature of blogging, I can't be wrong because the purpose of a Blog is whatever the blogger chooses it to be. Right? Right.
SO! Having said this, I lightly peruse my previous entries and yes, the purpose of my Blog, or should I say, what I gain from blogging, is having an outlet for the stuff that sometimes gnaws away at my innards. I also get a strange satisfaction out of sharing it with others, knowing it's in the public domain. Because unlike a handwritten Journal, my Blog feels more "alive" or perhaps "dynamic and responsive". It continues working for me and gives in return even when I'm not contributing.
I'm sure my view on this can't be so alien or ridiculous. This is why I'm puzzled that a friend and fellow blogger would bump into a family member of mine and not monitor or perhaps show a little more prudence when discussing topics I have written about on this site. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive and secretive. I really don't know. What I do know is I felt a tiny flicker of hurt and disappointment when said family member contacted me almost immediately after.
It isn't really such a big deal. Perhaps it just stings to see my own naivety and it is naive of me to think plastering my thoughts and emotions on an internet site is a form of intimate disclosure.
Anyway, I'm over it now. It was an innocent action causing only minor chaos. I think it's time for boiled eggs.
sharn contributed at 18:46 | |
Sunday, May 02, 2004
My F#*@ed Up Family!!
Let me start by saying I love my mother as much as life itself. Having never had a father per se, Mum *is* my family.
At times I regret not having a more resilient parent who would be strong enough to support me through emotional upheaval and pain in my life; someone I could go to and cry my heart when it gets broken; someone to lean on for support when I feel lost and helpless; someone I can tell my greatest fears to and hear a comforting word and wise advise.
But I don't have that kind of parent. I have a vulnerable, selfless, at times fragile woman, who leans on me a little more than I do on her. A woman who has just reached 60 and is about to make the same horrible mistake for the third time with another controlling, manipulative, selfish man. She can't see it... well, she can, but she is busy rationalising it at the moment. "He'll learn he can't have everything his way", "He'll be better after all this drama with business is over", "He isn't really that bad sweetheart, he's just needs to have things pointed out to him and then he changes his behaviour."
No Mum, no. He won't change. He won't get better. He's not going to learn. I can literally feel something tearing inside when I think about her. They got together (officially) about 6 months ago. (Editors note: I've known about them for approx. 5 years!) They bought a house together in January and since then I've watched a vibrant, youthful, fun woman who did her own thing and was learning to speak her mind become the sad, downtrodden, burdened, oversensitive "wife" I tried to support and encourage, most of my childhood.
Yesterday was my Grandmother's (Mum's mum) 80th birthday. We took her to Hahndorf for lunch at the German Arms. To put it simply, it was a disaster. Mum's partner (who we shall refer to as *R*) began arguing with me and contradicting my every word within 10 minutes of the car trip, the restaurant had run out of the ONLY food in the world Nanna can eat (this item of food changes daily. Very hard to keep track of and another story altogether), so I gently talked her into trying something else, which, had she not been told, probably wouldn't have picked as different anyway!
At this point, the cameras came out. For whatever reason, I'm feeling a little more edgy than usual about my appearance lately. Consequently, I asked not to have pictures taken of me. Apparently, a simple request and respecting my wishes is all too hard. Mum began trying to snap images when she thought I wasn't looking. I made my request again. A little firmer this time, but still not what I would call unpleasant. To this she finally complied, only because *R* decided to take up the challenge with his digital instead.
Like some sort of schoolkid challenge, he sat around casually angling the camera, thinking what?! I wouldn't work out that just coz he wasn't holding the fucking thing to his eye, he can't take the damn shot? I now became a bit forceful. I said pretty much what I wrote above. Isn't it enough that I don't want to be in a photo today? Why does it have to become a huge bloody issue with heated emotions before my request is taken seriously.
Of course now the atmosphere is somewhat sullen and awkward, broken only by the arrival of the meal. AAaaaahh... that will smooth things over and improve the mood. WRONG!
This is where I pass the baton of grief to Nanna, who swiftly takes up the challenge and begins complaining about everything on her plate. It is sad how many elderly people tend to revert back to child-like behaviour as they decline. She isn't senile and she hasn't really slowed down too much over the years, but over the last 20 years I have watched her become increasingly selfish, hurtful, opinionated (aggressively so), demanding, spiteful and manipulative.
It wasn't long before Nanna had dramatically shoved her plate away, having eaten maybe 5 or 6 mouthfuls of food declaring the vegetables were from a can and not even heated properly and the meat to be tough and tasteless. She refused to even finish the chips on the plate. Not sure as to the reason for that one, except of course, it looks far more dramatic if the guest of honour goes hungry.
Well, that was about all mum could take. Most people would ignore all the shit and continue having a good time, perhaps make light of the situation or promise to give it another go somewhere else next week-end etc. But no, my mother's response was to excuse herself from the table and rush Scarlet O'Hara style to the toilets to cry in a cubicle for most of the meal.
I could continue boring you (those silly enough to have persevered this far into my tale) with the rest of the afternoons adventures, but you get the idea. My mother is so fragile at the moment, even trying to smooth the waters and talk about what's going on with her, requires more caution and protective accessories than a Hazchem 4 level biological weapons spill.
By the time I'd dropped Nanna home and handled the aftermath with mum, I was completely unable to face the demand of fixing myself up and heading off to Dida's for the much anticipated housewarming party I had promised to attend. "Faster than a menopausal hotflush!", "Able to let down more people in one afternoon than an entire Crows Team!", "It's Danny Frawley!... It's Paul Rofe!... No! It's Sharn, dysfunctional daughter and disappointing friend!"
So, that was my Saturday. I hope you all fared better.
sharn contributed at 17:54 | |
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Why am I not asleep?
| You are 13% geek | OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you. |
Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com
However, what it does fail to mention is the other 87% is pure PSYCHO.
Thanks again to Kent for another meaningless quiz offering hollow insights that pander to my needy, worth-seeking soul.
Sad things is, in 1988 that's pretty damn close to how my hair looked.
sharn contributed at 00:18 | |
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Right now I'm...
100 thangs...
Piccies of my Boys'n'stuff
Before I die...
My Dream Journal
2004: A To Do List
