Thursday, April 29, 2004
We'll meet again someday on the avenue
I have nothing to say tonight. I should be in bed asleep. I have a National hook up conference call (I hate those things!) at 8am tomorrow morning. Now if you know anything about me, you will know that I don't open my eyes until around 10:30am, so this is going to be just tickety-f#%@ing-boo!
I liked the look of the quiz Kent did on his site, but I have a confession to make. I've never gotten into Bob Dylan. I don't even know enough of his music to say I don't like him. Just between you and me, I'm pretty sure he can't sing, but that's neither here nor there! Apparently his lyrics are pure genius. Anyway, even though I don't know his stuff, I like the sound of the song I am.
| Which Bob Dylan song are you? Tangled Up In Blue
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| Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Time to go. But a quick joke as I depart -
Q. Why did God give guys cute butts?
A. Because he messed up the fronts.
Sorry guys! (Actually, I don't reckon the Big Fella did too bad with the fronts) ;)
EEeeeeeeeewwwww!!! One of my darling little boys just dropped the rankest fart! Mental note: stop feeding the little bastards!
sharn contributed at 23:18 | |
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Odds and Sods
Page 23, sentence 5
"He was taking his whiskey neat, out of the bottle."
- The Day of the Triffids, John Wyndham
Here's what you do...
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
Thank you to Volition who thanked Tim Bray and Burningbird.
Additions to the blogroll
To be honest, I'm not quite sure why Volition wasn't already on the list - But considering the almost unnatural pleasure I gained from his bubblewrap link, it is my obligation to do so now!
The Rhubarb Purgative - Another one I seemed to over look. Having now witnessed his passion for topics such as Tony Jones' wardrobe, which can only be described as "cruel and unusual" and (contrary to a little too much protesting) his somewhat unhealthy obsession with Ron Weasley (I'm right there with you Nick!), I must add his name to my list in a sad attempt to be closer and more akin to this individual!
Not much else to discuss this afternoon. I have a migraine. It's shitting me to tears. Good day to you all.
sharn contributed at 16:33 | |
Monday, April 26, 2004
A brief word from Golden Clotface
Apparently the Universe feels I shall conquer it better with my new moniker. You too should discover your true name and unleash your full potential. Thanks and acknowledgement to Claire, from whom I knicked the idea.
What a lovely and active week end I've had. Very unlike me. Friday was the regular Bob Night. We got take away Chicky and Chips (oh, how the boys love Bob Night!) and hired "Love Actually". *dribble~drool~slurp* Colin Firth. The movie was pretty darn good too. Saturday was sleeping in and ginning around like an old mole day. Then that evening, after the latest encounter with my Videologist, I gatecrashed my dear friend and crazy cohort's place for hot chocolate and incessant babble about said Videologist.
Sunday I went tallboy hunting (The furniture variety). That left a lot to be desired, so feeling disheartened and frustrated, I treated myself to a big brekky and coffee while reading the paper at the local diner. Then it was off to a DVD sale, where I spent too much money. Albeit a lot less money than if it had not been a sale! Later that afternoon I met up with a friend for what we refer to as a "Nut Off!" This is a coming together of two equally dysfunctional and hypervigilant minds for the purpose of seeing who is the crazier on any given day.
I shall be lodging a protest for this particular round as she claimed an unfair advantage by sleeping through our meeting time and was awoken by my SMS asking if I had got my times confused. She then threw herself together and met me in a dazed and semi-conscious state 45 minutes late! How can I possibly compete with that?
Although she says we both deserve bonus points for casually leaving the cafe without paying. Dida, I've done it again! I would have gone to my grave ignorant of my wrongdoing if she hadn't pointed it out to me later that night. Not to worry. It's our local cafe. I'm sure the waiter has probably put it aside to accost us with on our next visit.
Today I cleaned the house some. Not a great deal but enough to prevent Dida and Co. from calling the EPA on me immediately after their visit. It was an absolutely spiffing afternoon. We took all four of the little boys down to Poo Park for a playdate. They had the time of their lives. So many odours to smell, trees to moisten and willies to lick. The dogs were busy too. (Did I really type that?)
We returned to my place and quickly discovered that it wasn't really designed for so many attention seeking in your face canines. Strangely enough, the coffee table was the unexpected winner of the "favourite piece of furniture to be inappropriately used" stakes. It's always great catching up with Dida and BB, even if we can't keep the conversation PC. Sorry Hun!
Well, I think it's time Little Miss Clotface here got her booty into gear and did some clothes washing and prepared the evening meal. The bed is looking very attractive too. It might be an early one tonight.
sharn contributed at 18:19 | |
Sunday, April 25, 2004
I've forgotten what it was in you...
I just scoffed down 2 yummy, scrummy crumpets with vegemite and grilled cheese and I am now enjoying my scalding hot mug of Tea. As always, the appropriate time one would eat came and went unnoticed in my house. So the Witching Hour arrives and I think to myself, I'm a tad hungry. As far as emergency, on the spot fillers go, that wasn't too shabby.
I had my lovely shower as I said I would. Every inch of me is now squeaky clean, scrubbed, buffed up to a high shine and moisterised. I feel very fresh and non-crusty. And with this new found glow I did amble down to the old Vid Store and the D-man was working. For someone who is telling herself she doesn't think she likes him that much, I was rather pleased to see him there.
I hung around and waited until the place wasn't so busy and we had a really nice chat. Probably our first real conversation as two people, instead of a customer and the manager of the store trying to talk but staying within the boundaries of customer service issues. I mean, there's only so long you can discuss films you've seen, films that sucked, genres you like and amusing going to the cinema anecdotes before it starts getting weird.
Even though he hasn't quite got around to asking me out yet, (Yes I know Dida! I should give him the flick, he's taking too long!) I think we actually made a pact to take a roadtrip together to Perth and back on heavy mind altering drugs in a rented big American convertible. Is that too much for a first date? I did lay down the law and say I'll only go if the car has fins. There has to be fins!
My guess is, for the shorter term, that when I return the DVD I hired (Kill Bill Vol 1), he's going to ask me to go see Kill Bill Vol 2 with him. He was so close to saying it tonight.... I think. *sigh* Being single is so much easier. In fact, I've really enjoyed not having someone in my life. All my time is for me and the boys. I don't have to fit anyone else in, make sacrifices or considerations. The only thing I have noticed and this has happened more in the last few weeks/months, is the random moment I'd have liked to share.
I don't get lonely. I spend a lot of time alone and I love my own company. I need a certain amount of regular alone time or I begin to feel unsettled. But just a few occasions lately I've thought, as much as I'm enjoying this or I'm content going though this alone, it would add a richness or perhaps an intimacy that I haven't had in a while. Strangely enough, I'm not even missing the sex. Those issues can be managed sufficiently (enough said). But being held, the gentle touch of a hand through my hair or on my face, lying in bed and feeling the warmth and the skin of another body, that's the stuff I'd like to have again.
I wonder if I'm starting to yearn for those things because somebody has caught my attention or has he caught my attention simply because I'm yearning for those things? I don't want to get involved with anyone just to fill some emotional void I'm developing.
Maybe I should take a lesson from my boys. As I write this, Tiger has dragged his Moo Cow into the room and swiftly gone about giving her a good, hard shagging. Meanwhile, Jackson alternates from sitting at my side shaking his little body staring up with his huge, brown eyes, pleading for attention to shaking his little body while clawing me with his front paws in some vain attempt to get picked up and cuddled.
They don't sit and think about the consequences of what they're about to do. Tiger doesn't give a shit what I think about him humping his teddy's. Jack has never worried if his pathetic, needy behaviour actually makes him look pathetic and needy. He wants a cuddle and that's what he's going to ask for.... Good point, Boys! If it feels right, I'll just go with it.
And what feels right at this very moment is bed!
sharn contributed at 00:16 | |
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Wish me luck as you wave me good-bye
My mind is a blank. I've been knocked back and stood up by more than one friend this evening, so it looks like it's just me, a DVD and the furry boys tonight. If I got any wilder, Paris and Nicole'd be wanting an invitation!
I think I might slip into a hot shower for about 45 minutes with some yummy smelling gel, my body sponge and a bit of jazz in the background. Then I'll slip on my slinky, alluring tracky pants, the warmest pair of socks I've got and mosey on over to my local man at the Video store. I'll be dazzling him tonight with my seductress beauty and womanly wiles, don't you worry! I might even floss!!
Have a wonderful evening all my nearest and dearests! Let the pampering begin...
sharn contributed at 19:20 | |
Well, spank my arse and call me Charlie...
If you're a voyeur, have a chicken fetish (is the term a fowlophile?), get off on feathers or are just a weirdo who likes feeling dominant check out the Subservient Chicken.
This would be one of the more responsive and compliant birds I have met. I'm deeply disappointed in his abilities to perform yoga or lay an egg, but he's willing to give anything a go.
sharn contributed at 17:53 |
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Friday, April 23, 2004
They Shoot horses, don't they?
The brain and the human mind is an amazing thing. How we protect ourselves through sub-conscious defence mechanisms is wonderful.
I won't go into specifics, but I had a pretty average childhood. I feel wrong to dwell on it because every day I deal with children and parents who experience a thousand times more trauma then I ever lived through. But nevertheless, when adults say "Aaahh to be young and carefree again. That beautiful time of childhood when we were happy and innocent.... etc, etc" I stop in my tracks.
I think I would rather stab myself in the eye than ever relive my years before eighteen. I occasionally ponder why I hated my childhood and put it down to my father being a pig, my mother being on the brink of a nervous breakdown for most of my teen years, how much I hated school.... I could go on. But approximately 6 weeks ago I suddenly retold a particular event to my counselor. I was somewhere between 8 and 10 years old at the time (I can't be sure, I don't remember much from 6 to 13). He quizzed me for a while, I went into a bit more detail than I ever have before and the next thing I knew I was in tears.
It took about 24 hours for me to properly digest what we'd discussed. But when I did, it left me speechless. I have counseled people myself that have gone through close to exactly the same sort of thing as me and said to myself "how sad, that poor child and labeled them a *specific term* victim/survivor etc" But never had I considered myself to have been one. I'm not sure what I thought my experience was. I recall certain incidences clearly. It's not like I deny particular events, I just never thought of them in the same way I did other people's.
Suddenly, over these last few weeks, everything in my life has changed meaning. Stupid behaviour I have that I've never been able to explain or understand; Feelings of dread, anger or anxiousness I feel; they all make sense now. I didn't hate school because it was so awful, I hated that time in my life because of other things going on and coping/surviving meant school wasn't a priority.
If my mobile rings and it's a private number or a number I don't know, I won't answer it. I can't answer it. The fear that wells up inside me is overwhelming. At times even holding the phone while it's ringing like that is too much. But I know why now, and all of a sudden it doesn't scare me so much. Although I have something ugly to face and work though, there is a new sense of calm that's settling over me. This is such foreign terrain for me. I've been so used to living my life the way I have for the last 20 years that I failed to realise there may be another way of doing it. A nicer, less stressful way.
Albeit a little scary, the future seems quite exciting to me now. Perhaps I'll be able to finish the things I start. I might be able to return to Uni and not become suicidal if my first assessment isn't a distinction. I might even be able to have a healthy, loving relationship with someone and know it's the first real chance any sexual relationship has ever had in my life.
All my adult life, my worst dreams have been me back at my school. I'm my real age but everyone else is the age they were then. Here I am, a grown up and I still can't get my assignments in on time. I still feel foolish and insignificant. Often I realise all my final exams are due and I've prepared nothing. Since the big revelation appointment with my counselor, I haven't had one of those dreams nor have I had the pet ones I've spoken about before.
The last 4 weeks have been real nightmares. Reliving variations of what really occurred. Waking up screaming and terrified that someone is in my room. I know this sounds worse, but it isn't. For the first time ever, my mind is accepting what happened and I'm finally beginning to work though it. I've spent 20 years avoiding this issue and I'm now allowing myself to deal with it. It's amazing how we can spend so long running away from something and never stop to ask what it is we're running from. And now that I've stopped and turned around, I find I'm not that scared of it.
I've stopped running and it feels good.
sharn contributed at 12:20 | |
Sunday, April 18, 2004
I love a good Questionnaire!
Sorry, it's an illness, I can't help myself! Thank you to Cat for pinching the idea from MiFFi first! :)
What is your favourite Web Site?
Geez, I don't know them all yet.
What is the one CD you would take on a Desert Island with you?
Well that's a bit silly coz I won't have a CD player, will I!?
What was the worst job you ever had?
Cold canvas telesales for a Real Estate Agent.
If you could be anyone else, who would it be and why?
I've never wanted to be anyone else. How about me with Oprah Winfrey's bank balance?
What was the strangest or most embarrassing story you've heard or that happened to you?
Everytime I go out on the town with my younger sister (Bob) it's pretty strange. I don't really get embarrassed all that much. I guess the time Bob burst out laughing unexpectedly when we were at lunch and she sprayed chewed up cauliflower and cheese sauce all over my face and hair was pretty weird!
Tell us the weirdest dream you ever had?
Every single one of them. That's why I love them. This sensational mystery man that keeps appearing of late is quite intriguing
What is the strangest name of someone you know?
Hmmm... too many to choose from. I know a man called Holly Wood. A woman called Cherry Ripe (she's a food critic!). I'm not making these up! And I have a friend called Wojtek (pronounced Voytek) but we call him Woj.
Tell us the most outrageous thing you ever did for money?
Ride a horse down West Terrace in a nude body stocking and a long wig. It was some promotional gig and I was supposed to look like Lady Godiva.
What is the most embarrassing CD/Record/8 Track in your collection?
Again, which one do I choose? I have the Kama Sutra on Album. I also have Popcorn, Hot Buttered! Oh and a friend bought me a Bardot single once because she thought it would be funny.
What is the best/worst nickname of someone you know?
Horse. When he was born his parents couldn't decide on a name for him and America "Horse with no name" had just been released. But he doesn't tell many people that, he just lets them think the obvious.
What is the most bizarre thing you've ever seen?
Celine Dion.
What is the stupidest thing you ever bought that seemed like a good idea at the time?
My beautiful, enormous Stainless Steel fridge that's too big for the fridge alcove in my kitchen. D'oh!
What is the best/worst pick-up line you've heard or used?
"Hey are you girls twins? I've got a pair of twins. You wanna see them. They're down my pants!" Sadly a true story.
What is the weirdest food you've eaten?
Nothing seems particularly weird to me. I'll try anything once. Although I went to a Mexican restaurant with a friend once (It was Horse actually) and he had Chicken Breast in Dark Chocolate sauce.
Tell us about the worst roommate/guest you've ever had?
I shared with a complete Headcase a few years ago. She's a paramedic with Bi-polar and anger management issues. She's almost 6ft tall and is also an alcoholic. I left as soon as I found out she was kicking and beating my boys when I wasn't home. Apparently, she'd also punched a previous housemate in the face during an argument.
What is your best/worst animal or pet story?
My beautiful little boy Tiger suffered severe blunt force trauma to his left eye 18mths ago. After 2 weeks and $1000 in treatment we couldn't save the eye. But he's such a little battler, within a week of the surgery to remove the damaged globe, he was running and jumping around like a puppy. He adjusted immediately to only one eye and often uses it to his advantage. Eg If I'm telling him off and he wants to ignore me he just turns around and gives me his blind side. (Dog speak for "Talk to the Hand Baby!")
What is the stupidest thing you've ever done?
Buying that fridge has gotta be right up there. And maybe the Alfa.
What is the most memorable bumper sticker you can think of?
The last one that amused me was "Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a Wanker!"
What is the worst surprise you ever found in your food?
A dirty, used bandaid. However, most of my nanna's recent "creations" could also make the list.
What is the most misunderstood song lyric in your opinion?
The entire Ben Folds Five song "Brick" perhaps. But a friend sings along to Blur Song No. 5 as follows... "And she peeled a potato, WOO HOO, and it taste like tomato, WOO HOO"
What is the strangest phone call you've ever received?
At work one day, this guy rang and said he was an old acquaintance and he was in town and wondered if I wanted to catch up and have sex. To this day I have no idea who it was, but he swore I told him once that I had no reservations about screwing around behind a partners back.
What is strangest hallucination you've ever had?
This UFO I was sure I'd seen out my bedroom window when I was about 12. It had landed across the hill from our house.
What is the one movie you've watched most times?
Probably a toss up between Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Lord of the Rings, Speed, Matrix, Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yes, I am aware of how sad I am.
What is your favourite line from a movie?
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto."
"The greatest trick of all the Devil pulled off was convincing people he didn't exist." or something to that effect.
"On any other day, that would seem strange."
...and the list goes on.
What is your favourite Freudian slip, word mix-up or dyslexic mess?
We have some traditional family slips like Tobey Stole, Par Cark and Herry Towell (a friend - real name Terry Howell)
What is the best insult or 'would be insult' you've heard or used?
A girl I used to know would tell guys, if you were the last man on Earth I'd masturbate.
What's the longest you've ever been single since you started dating?
2 years. But I'm heading towards a new PB at the moment!
Fave fashion statement?
Nothing beats a great decolletage!
Have you ever been in a band?
Yep. A few.
Your first car?
1971 Triumph T2000 - My own personal Sherman Tank.
What book are you reading at the moment?
Just finished "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" Hunter S Thompson (for the third time)
Last movie you saw at the cinema?
Pirates of the Caribbean, I think. I've gotta get out more.
When was the last time you saw a play?
During the Fringe.
What song is playing at the moment?
Closer - John Mayer
Have you left school?
God yes.
What are your all-time favourite Simpsons quotes?
"There, there. Shut up, Boy." - Homer
"Forwards, not backwards. Upwards, not downwards. And always twirling, twirling, twirling!" - Alien Presidential Campaign speech.
What events have made you realise who your real friends are?
During the darker times of my mental illness when I shut down and push everyone away. The ones that are still there waiting patiently for me to come back again are the people who truly care.
Wow, that was longer than I thought! If anyone is still ready, I thank you for your perseverance.
sharn contributed at 14:11 | |
Saturday, April 17, 2004
I'm carrying David Beckham's Lovechild
And we have decided to name the baby in a way that will forever remind us of the union we shared and the opinion of the masses. He/she will be know as ....
WHO-THE-HELL-GIVES-A-FAT-FLYING-CRAP-WHERE-YOUR-DICK'S-BEEN Beckham. Catchy?
But seriously folks, what I really wanted to say was, I won't be making it to the Monday Meet. :( I am sorry. As much as I would love to meet all of you for the first time, I'm just not ready to do the whole "human contact" thing as yet. I'm sure Danny and Dida can confirm, when I find myself in social situations I handle them with all the ease and charm of someone whose neural network fires at all the right times and in all the right directions. However, the truth is, I just don't do people.
Perhaps in a month or so I will be better equipped mentally to consider public outings and the traumatic concept of new people creating first impressions of me. But for now, I send my apologies and wish you all a wonderful evening. Have a drink for me!
sharn contributed at 22:52 | |
To whom it may concern
I was overwhelmed with a sense of altruism on Thursday morning and booked an appointment with the Red Cross to donate blood. I used to be a regular donor until the late '90's, I'm not sure why I stopped. So off I trekked after work, enjoying the sights Pirie Street offers, with my coveted blood pumping through my veins and a sense of universal love pumping through my heart.
Yeah Right!!
One and half hours later, with pretty much all of my blood still in me, bandaging on both arms, the promise of ugly greenish/purple bruising looming and pain coursing up my arms I trekked back to my bus and went home. Tired, grumpy, disappointed and sore!! Basically everyone in the centre had a go at trying to find a vein and when one special little camper did, he dug the needle in and fossicked around like Jamie Oliver with a mortar and pestle. Apparently everytime he managed to find the vein and shove the needle in, the vein would collapse. Super.
Having said that, all the staff were very sweet, hugely apologetic and a little concerned. The last guy to have a go at me looked EXACTLY like Jean Reno. However, no one had ever told him that before. Curious. I suspect it was Jean Reno researching his next role and he feared I might blow his cover.
I'll try again in a month. If I fail again, I might suggest they chop off a finger and hold my hand over a bucket instead.
I finally got to meet Dida's children this week! They are absolutely, 100%, deliciously, adorable. Her boys remind me of mine in so many ways. I'd love to get the four of them together one day and watch the chaos unfold. Lately, Jackson has taken to pooping in the upstairs bathroom. He only does it at night when I'm asleep and I'm guessing, only because the spoilt, little, stinker can't be bothered going all the way downstairs and outside in the cold. So now I shut the bathroom door before going to bed. That'll fix his little, red wagon!
sharn contributed at 22:16 |
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Wednesday, April 14, 2004
True Love and the Granny with the loose onions
I had the most intense dream this morning. In the last year to year and a half, I have had a similar dream to this twice before. Similar as in the emotions felt, not the situation or storyline.
Their isn't much to tell except that all of these dreams have had the same guy in them. I could describe most things about him physically, except for his facial features. I can clearly see his body, hair, build, even the shape of his head, but when I try and recall his face, I just get this mist or tiny glimpses of corners like peripheral vision only.
What makes the most impact is the feelings I get. The dreams are always totally different but the common theme is, we are always meeting for the first time. The moment we meet the overwhelming sense of belonging strikes me. It almost hurts how physically and (but more importantly) emotionally attracted I am to him, and without reason, I know he feels exactly the same way. These dream never turn sexual, if anything the most that occurs is the occasional touch of his hand and the rare (but very nice) snog.
I hate waking from these dreams. It feels like I'm losing him when I do. Strangely today's dream ended with some kind of major tragedy. I think it was a car accident and although his body wasn't in the car by the time I got there, it was rumoured he had been one of the victims.
Does the Army still administer Bromide? Perhaps I'm going through early menopause. Whatever the cause, it is well and truly playing with my head!
sharn contributed at 14:27 | |
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Happy Living through Denial: And how I've mastered it
OK I'm confused. I'm currently doing something and I'm not sure what I'm trying to achieve by doing it.
My local video store manager, to whom I have previously referred, is a little on the shy side when it comes to taking the big step from mildly flirtatious chatting to actually asking me out. We have already established this. We have also concluded that here in the 21st Century it is not unacceptable for the woman to take the initiative. SO.... here's were it gets a bit fuzzy....
We had a long chat about a particular movie to which I said "Have you read the book it was based on?" to which he said "No". I'm such a good narrator!! Anyway, I offered to lend it to him because it was a cathartic experience for me and thought he should have the same thrill. He seemed overjoyed, so last night I dropped it off at the store for him. As he wasn't there at the time I wrote a note and left it in the book. "Hope you love it as much as I did, blah blah blah, call me when you're done."
We have already established, in that not-so-subtle-just-in-passing commentary, that we are both single. And as pathetic as this sounds, after seeing him on Saturday night I already started missing him by Sunday and had to make a conscious effort not to go back to the store for the rest of the long weekend.
BUT!!! I honestly can't say if I'm physically attracted to him. More to the point, I don't think I am. But I've always liked his company and I know I'll say yes if he asks me out. Now this is the moment where I begin to freak. I've considered the obvious... We do go out, things are going well, he does the expected thing and makes some sort of move and this is where I lose my shit. I start feeling uncomfortable just thinking about it. My stomach is turning in knots just writing this! I really thought I would have mastered this kind of crap by my mid 30's. Apparently not.
So what the hell is going on in my little peabrain?! Somebody tell me what this all means.
sharn contributed at 17:16 | |
Sunday, April 11, 2004
He was just a know-it-all Jewish lad!!
C'mon people, where the hell are you all? Am I the only poor bastard around that didn't have plans for the long week-end? So you all went off on roadtrips or had friends and family come visit or went visiting them. I hope you had a friggin' ball prancing around the state feeling special! Not giving a single thought to those of us left here to mind the fort. Spending hours and hours talking mindlessly to ourselves! Ever think that just coz you have a life doesn't give you the right to neglect your blogging duties and leave me with sweet FA to read when I can't be naffed doing anything more constructive with my time?!?! Hmmm? No, you didn't. And you know why? Because you're selfish. Each and every one of you! Go off and have fun. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Really! I'm good. I'll just sit here and wait for you all to get back. Because the only thing better than being left here all by myself with bubkis to do, will be hearing all your wonderful, happy, shiny, sparkly stories of how much fun you had and what you got up to and how happy you are and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....
I think I need to cut back on the Pepsi Max and Hunter S Thompson books.
A bit of fresh air, a mug of black Tea and a few stretches later.....
I think I might have started on the wrong foot today. Let me try again. The strangest thing happened to me yesterday afternoon. As you may or may not know, I have an Alfa Romeo. It's close to complete restoration and is in beautiful condition. Except for the minor fact that some snivelling, pimply, greased up, little scumsucker stole both the badges off it about 4 months ago. Now these badges are hard to come by and if you order them new from a specialist, they have to be imported and cost more than a couple of lima beans and a jar of marmalade.
So needless to say, the car has sat badgeless in my drive for about 6 weeks waiting for a final service then into the classifieds she will go. Now I'm lying on my sofa last night, having a big, cold drink, reading a book with the TV on mute viewing my Bomber boys finally winning a game (Thank the Heavens!) when there's a knock on my screen door.
I'm not the most spontaneous (or welcoming) woman in the world when it comes to unexpected and uninvited guests, so I greet this stranger with a moderate amount of suspicion and hesitancy when I turn on the verandah light. It turns out, her son lives across from me and she has noticed the Alfa on a few occasions when visiting. She and her husband were very impressed with the condition of the car but noticed the badges missing. So given I was home last night, she thought she'd drop by and give me a couple of badges she had lying around at home from all the spares and wrecks they had collected over time, being Alfa enthusiasts themselves.
Well, fuck me. You could've knocked me over with a fleas fart. Who are these strange Good Samaritan types? What do they want from me? Why are they roaming the streets looking for wrongs to be righted and good deeds to be done? Perhaps they're Jehovah's Witnesses thinking they can lull me into a false sense of security before stealthily recruiting me into their little sect! Yeah, well you can't fool me. I won't be sucked in by your selfless acts and kindness. I know who my true friends are! And they all treat me like shit! So there!!
I think I need to lie down.
sharn contributed at 19:34 | |
Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?!
I'm sorry, but what the hell does that mean? It always seemed fart related to me. Or maybe it's just my infantile thought processes always searching for even the vaguest potty humour reference.
Having said that, The Rock can haul his Candy Ass over here and plant the "people's elbow" on me any day!! Mr Dwayne Johnson sir, if you happen to be reading this, email me and I'll gladly pass on my address and phone number.
*ring ring* *ring ring*
Tuesday: Hello..?
Phone Caller: Hi, Tuesday? It's Reality calling...
Tuesday: (slightly hesitant) ..oh, hi. How's things?
Phone Caller: yeah, good. Look, just wanted to catch up with you. See how you were...
Tuesday: Ah.. OK. Yep, I'm fine thanks.
Phone Caller: ...and tell you to GET THE HELL BACK HERE!!
Tuesday: (holding receiver away from ear) Yes. Yes, you're right. I'm on my way. Right now. Didn't mean to wander so far. Complete accident. So I'll see you soon then?
(Disconnect signal already heard from handset.)
Tuesday: I'll... umm.. hang up then shall I?
*click*
For those of you who were wondering, or gave a shit in the least, the lump I discovered was a sebaceous cyst. Apparently, there is little that needs to be done. If it grows in size over time I should return for further tests. Otherwise, give it a name and get used to it. The cutting it out option is unnecessary as the little suckers tend to bleed a lot which usually means an overnight stay in the Hoppy Doodle. As this alternative appeals to neither my wallet or rec leave entitlement, I think we'll give it the Big A!
So let us commence the "Name Tuesdays' Cyst" competition. The winner shall reap no reward, gain no fame and probably receive very little thanks. All entries must include a 25 words or less explanation as to the name submitted and the judging panels decision will be final. No further discussion will be entered into unless money and/or sex is involved. License number T8405AA9. SA entries only.
My mum turned 60 on Thursday! She looks maybe late 40's. A small group of us took her to Jolley's Boathouse for lunch on Saturday. Started at noon and began winding up at 5pm when the staff began hovering and mumbling disapprovingly. So for any of you out there with a grand occasion coming up and a spare home loan lying around, I recommend Jolley's.
After 5 hours of day time rich food and wine consumption I was pretty knackered. So my plan was get home, get daggy and visit the local Video store. Grab a mindless 2 hours of staring at the idiot box entertainment and curl up with the fuzzy boys for a bit of potato couch action!!
Of course, tonight turns out to be the night my adorable video store Manager finally musters the courage to mosey on over and make small talk. This does, however, currently exceed any synaptic response ability I can muster. I think the interaction went well enough. We spent about 45 minutes discussing "I have no idea what", while his defenseless countergirl was left to single-handedly manage peak hour Saturday night customer traffic and ended with me promising to lend him a book of mine in the next few days.
His courage fell short of asking me out though. Is it OK for the woman to do the asking nowadays? Do men find that too aggressive or pushy? I've never made the first move. I mean, what if I've completely misread the signals, I ask him out and he isn't interested? I couldn't face that kind of shame. In one foul sweep I would lose my pride, my dignity, my favourite video store and one of the most knowledgeable film reviewers I've ever found. I mean, obviously I could never return to that store!
I think matters this important need due consideration. I'm going to sleep on it.
sharn contributed at 00:54 |
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Saturday, April 10, 2004
When in Adelaide, Tuesday chooses to stay at her house...
Well, Kiddies what a week! I think a few of us can say that.
I returned to work. Not the most thrilling occurrence in my life, but it could have been a lot worse. To be honest, it was actually quite enjoyable. (Just don't let management know - I don't think enjoying one's job is in line with our current agreement or memorandum of understanding.)
I bought a new bike!! Yay me. I'm really a bit excited about this. I took advantage of the 20% sales and treated myself to a brand, spanking, new Avanti Hybrid. Very sexy. I wanted the charcoal grey frame but they only had the red/silver ones left. I guess red does go faster, so I shouldn't complain. However, I'm not looking forward to the next week or two of soreness in the nether regions. An unavoidable burden of getting reacquainted with long rides.
I've had a head cold this week. If I ever find out which evil bastard gave me this germ I shall do unspeakable acts to their personage!! And I don't mean the kind of acts written about in "Playboy - letters to the editor". Maintaining an upright position and holding one thought for more than 75 seconds has been a significant challenge of late. It's hard to know whether this is due to the cold itself, the large quantities of over the counter pharmaceuticals I'm ingesting or the ever diminishing capacity of my grey matter in general. Well supported theories/arguments on the matter are welcome.
I continue to struggle with my new gained knowledge re: *JD* (the one I let go). I'm going to tell you a dirty, little secret under the proviso you PROMISE you won't tell another living soul.... This is really humiliating.... OK here it goes.... I called his direct line at work the other day. He answered. I hung up.
Oh God, what have I become?!!? I'm so puerile. How could I lower myself to such a humiliating and pathetic act? I just had to hear his voice again. But I'm not ready to face whatever reconnecting with him would dish out. He still has the warmest, caramel smooth voice I've ever heard though! *cheeky grin*
Isn't it strange how a person's mere existence can bring you to your knees and create absolute emotional chaos in your life, meanwhile they're oblivious of the slightest impact they've had on you? It's a sort of Psychological Mr Magoo encounter. My entire world is turned upside down and he isn't even aware are paths have crossed. Or maybe he is sensing something. Perhaps he's having those weird "I'm being watched" sensations or unexplainable dreams with me popping in at obscure moments, after not having thought of me for years on end.
I might write to Dr Harry and see what he thinks!
sharn contributed at 22:16 | |
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Out, Out Damn Spot!!
Just a quick mention, before it slips my mind...
I was in the shower this morning and while washing under my arm I found a hard growth (about M&M size) in my armpit. Charming topic, sorry. Both under arms have been tender lately, so this is not altogether a strange discovery, albeit a mildly worrying one.
I had a bit of a prod, so needless to say it's really sore now! Funny that. I'll make an appointment to see the Doc tomorrow after work and report back to you all after. These entries may be worth a mint if they become my last memoirs!! I better write a will and last testament and bequeath the rights to my blogs to someone. Don't all fight for the honour though, guys. I couldn't stand the attention. :)
OK, well that's all I had to say. Yours Lumpily...
sharn contributed at 16:41 | |
I'm not in love... So don't forget it.
The lyrics to that song are so me. I love the wispy, dreamy vibe of it.
Here I sit, waiting for Dida to arrive for coffee. Copying my sister's CD's and bouncing my legs from the balls of feet like some speed freak. I think I should tell you my sister's name so I no longer have to refer to her as "my sister".
Her name is Bob. Actually that isn't her name at all, but that is what I call her. The immediate reference is to Kevin Smith's character Silent Bob (Mall Rats, Clerks, Dogma, Chasing Amy etc). Bob (my sister, not Kevin) has a trench coat just like Silent Bobs (the character, not my sister) which she used to insist on wearing with a Beanie she bought in Victor Harbor one winter. She has long straight hair of a similar colour and length to Silent Bobs. From behind, while wearing this charming ensemble, she looks very much like Silent Bob. Hence the name.
Now where the hell was I? Ah yes, coffee with Dida. We have been, we have drunk and we have returned. Dida has now gone home. A lovely, spontaneous encounter. I am still jiggling my legs however. Perhaps returning to Tai Chi and Yoga will get rid of this nervous energy. I'm probably not ready for Yoga yet. My shoulders aren't quite up to the strain. I have enrolled with one of the Belly dancing schools though. That should be a great laugh if nothing else.
There just isn't enough days in the week, Goddammit! Why do I always feel like I'm spreading myself too thin? How does everyone else do it?
I think I'm going to have to cut today's entry short. It's my ex-stepmothers birthday and I have to get ready to meet her for dinner. Does anyone want to pop over to my place and walk the boys for me? It would be a great help. Ciao for now. *waves*
sharn contributed at 14:42 |
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Friday, April 02, 2004
Todays Agenda
I haven't done much of late. I haven't even thought much of late! I think I'm too busy being concerned with other people's challenges to think of my own at the moment. That's probably not a bad thing.
What I do want to say is... anyone looking to buy CD's should contact me because I'm about to send off my latest order to Amazon CD NOW and shipping from the US seems wasteful unless I'm bringing in a good quantity.
Did anyone see the April Fools Joke in the Advertiser yesterday? Kraft placed an Ad for their new Cherry flavoured Vegemite with a small line saying see page 27 for further details. Page 27 was a banner saying April Fools! I wonder what the cost of those ads were? How many children in the Sudan could have been provided an education for the same price? Oh well.
Today is my last day of holidays. Monday it's back to the grind. I'm not sure if I'm disappointed. I'm not suicidal about it, so that's a plus.
Q. If a mime falls over in the forest, and nobody hears or sees him fall... Doesn't anyone give a shit?
I've added my 100 things about me to the sidebar. I will slowly begin adding things like my beloved books, music, hobbies and boys soon.
I don't have a lot to say today! (...and the crowds were happy!) I think I'll take the boys for a run. *HUGS* to you all.
sharn contributed at 14:27 | |
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Right now I'm...
100 thangs...
Piccies of my Boys'n'stuff
Before I die...
My Dream Journal
2004: A To Do List
